I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
