The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
