I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
pray to the hookup gods
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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