i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
