Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
