Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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