1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
