My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
