I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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