Got a toothbrush?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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