Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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