I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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