Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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