By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
