my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
