It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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