I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize