No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
