yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
