I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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