Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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