What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
