I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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