Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
