awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
