For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
