If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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