oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
