upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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