In the future we'll all be gay
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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