I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
