my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Found the puke drawer
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
