Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
