He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
