So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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