His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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