talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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