I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
