I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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