I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This toilet bowl is my home.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
