Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
