I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
