imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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