Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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