I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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