you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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