This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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