Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
