You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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