3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
