if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
