Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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