What a fucking waste of an outfit
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
