Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
