my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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