she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
