y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
