im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
