sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
