Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
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i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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