it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
