So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
