I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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