dude i'm inner monologue high
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Someone came in the potted fern
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
