just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Let's get the cat blown out
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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