I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
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They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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