I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
