I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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