the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
