U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
smell my finger.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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