your parents love me but you hate me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize