these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
