It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
