you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
