We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
