I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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