that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize