My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
