There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Enjoy the penises
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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