If that was your dad, he is hot
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
