I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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